For the last few days I have found myself thinking about confidence.  Confidence.  What is it?  Who has it?  If you don't have it, how do you get it?  Where does it come from, and when we lose it, where does it go?

My title today comes from the song that Maria sings in "The Sound of Music."  She is on her way to meet the Baron and his children and become their nanny.  She is afraid that she will have no idea what to do, and it turns out that she is right.  The children quickly learn how easy it is to trick and tease and tantalize her.

I looked up the word "confidence" to see where it comes from in our language.  Basically, it means, "with faith."  When you live or act with confidence, you live and act with faith.  But faith in who or what?  Is it faith in God?  Is it faith in myself?  Is it faith in circumstances or skills?  How do we gain confidence in our lives?

Maria plunges head first into her new life with the Von Trapp children and the Baron.  She stumbles and she bumbles through life day by day.  But when the thunderstorm strikes, the children come to her.  When Lisle thinks her father does understand her interest in a boy, she goes to Maria.  Even the Baron comes to Maria when he is perplexed.  Slowly, Maria does become the confident one, the one who know the reasons and the answers.

Confidence comes from being present.  Confidence comes in the middle of living life.  Confidence comes as the sun rises each day, and I rise to meet the life that the sun brings.  Confidence comes as I live and love those around me each day.   Simple, yes.  Easy, no.

Let's face the day together tomorrow.  As the sun rises, let us rise and live our lives fully and with love.

Today is Tuesday, February 21st.  It is Mardi Gras, Shrove Tuesday, Fat Tuesday, or Pancake Day, depending on you and your traditions.  But what is it all about?

For many in the Christian tradition, tomorrow will be Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent.  Historically Lent has been a time for "giving up" things that are enjoyable.  Lent was a time for remembering the suffering of Christ and being solemn.  Thus the women of a household would clear the kitchen of rich foods and serve them on Tuesday night.  Pancakes and meats were served.  There were parties and celebrations before the period of Lent began.

I began to think, "How will this day be reflected in my music?"  "Will there be any experience of Lent in music or my art?"  In recent times, many people have considered Lent as an opportunity to add to their lives, rather than a time to take away.  How will I add to my music life in these coming weeks?  Tonight, my church is having a talent show with their Shrove Tuesday Pancake Supper.  I have seldom participated in talent shows.  Tonight I will sing, "The Colors of the Wind" from Disney's Pocahontas.  But the question of real significance is how will I add to my creative life.  

I am making a commitment to keep my 3 journals handy.   Sometimes I call them my "brain books."  One is for drawing, one is for ideas, and one is for music.  Everyday I will write.  I may sketch the changing scene from my front window or I may record a tune I hum.  But I commit to recording that which the Spirit creates within me.

This week Steve and I enjoyed watching the Westminster Dog Show on television.  It was a joy to watch those beautiful creatures and their handlers compete for the best of breed and the best of show awards.  There are so many different colors and shapes and sizes of dogs, I am amazed.  Each of them has a special job to do and a special way they enhance our lives.

     The calendar says, "June 1979."  I am getting ready to graduate from college and begin a new life adventure.  I am meeting with my voice professor for the last time as a student.  As we sit in his office, we reflect on the events and learnings of the past four years.
     Then he hands me a small, orange, plastic, toy tractor and a packet of seed corn.  These are my gifts from him as I leave.  Guy (my voice professor) sees the puzzle on my face.  He laughs enthusiastically and then begins to explain.
     Karen, you are like a tractor in this world.  You have a necessary role in this world.  Your goal is to "plant"  seeds in people, seeds of love and hope and wholeness.  Your goal is to help people grow in grace.  The problem is that in order for new seeds to be planted and grow, the soil needs to be cut and turned and sometimes that is a painful process.  There are times when you confront the people you love with your "tractor" side.  You desire to help them prepare the soil of their hearts and lives to grow.  Then you stay with them, help bring them seeds and plant the seeds of love and growth and health.  There has been pain, but eventually there is a new life that begins to grow.
     The tears were streaming down my face and my heart was glowing.  From that day on, and for many years to follow, I kept that little toy tractor and packet of seed corn on my desk.  At some point they were lost in a move across the country but I continue to keep those images in my mind's eye.
     Thank you Guy for seeing me through the eyes of love and grace.  Thank you for giving me images that help me live my calling.
       I look forward to continuing to share my life, my gifts, and my seed planting with as many people as possible.  I also look forward with eager anticipation to receiving and learning from you as we journey forward together.

Peace to you my friends,
Karen